The more guys I turn down (let’s see, the most recent one makes it three and counting), the more I realize there ain’t no painless way of rebuffing their advances.
The funny thing: all the guys I turned down turned to listening to music to ease their heartaches. As in, the next time I saw them after our heart-to-heart talks, they all had earphones jammed into their ears and the music turned way up. The first guy used a free radio transceiver from Jollibee. The second guy used a Walkman he paid for. The third guy? An iPod Nano. (Hmm… I’m moving up in the world?)
The “makes-you-think” thing: It’s easy to say it’s his problem and not mine that he had to come out and reveal his feelings toward me. Still, I have to deal with feelings of guilt due to the following questions:
- Did I in any way lead him on?
- Did I assure him he still has my friendship? (assuming he treated me respectfully)
- How friendly should I be to make him aware that my interest in him is entirely platonic?
To be honest I don’t think I can wash my hands of wrongdoing, as I tend to let a guy get too close before I realize something’s not quite right with the “friendship.” Well, actually, there are warning signs but I am so naive that I blithely carry along like I can convince him just to remain my friend so that I don’t have to face the day he offers his heart to me on a platter. It just doesn’t work. I wonder if these guys think I’m a man-eater, like that Nelly Furtado song.
She’s a man-eater
Make you buy cars
Make you cut cards
Make you fall real hard in love
She’s a man-eater
Make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all of her love
She’s a man-eater
Wish you never ever met her at all!
The sucky thing: when I ultimately turn him (whichever guy) down and away from that particular path to my heart, he ends up resenting me. In turn, I end up avoiding him so that I don’t cause him pain by seeing me. The cycle of grief reinforces itself as he starts thinking I don’t want to be around him because I don’t like him at all (not even as a friend).
I just don’t want to keep repeating this cycle, but what can I do? I just am not interested in that kind of relationship at this point.
Tags: Busted, Man-Eater, Relationships